HATER CATHARSIS

You ever notice how rap albums (and now pop culture) are so focused on haters, yet where are these haters? Well, here’s one. I admit it…at times I am kind of a hater. I sip haterade, eat hater tots, my favorite supreme Justice is Ruth Hater Ginsburg.

Gosh that feels good to admit.

I don’t really wish ill on people, but I get irked by the success of some people beyond their competency level…especially those whose images we are inundated with on a weekly or even daily basis. Below are some of those people who I’d rather see less of.

Macklemore
Macklemore
I know what you think, and no, I’m not upset that the first platinum rapper from Seattle since Sir-Mix-A-Lot is white. I’m a little bothered by the haircut choice and the fact that he chooses to look like an extra from the party scene in American History X, but I’m a fan of Eminem, Asher Roth, Atmosphere (at times) and Will Smith. I’ll give him credit that the anti-semetic imagery of his EMP performance was an accident, and if so–his and my political views align. My problem is that his music is terrible in that innocuous way. He’s more like a Flo’Rida… a rapper that’s not a rapper. I love the idea of “Same Love” way more than I like the song. When the woman stops singing “she keeps me warm” and he starts talking, I start dying inside. Thrift Shop was cute, but should fall in the category of all the kitsch songs about suburban dads or Natalie Portman busting a rhyme. I actually know friends of friends of his, and they say he’s a nice guy. Can someone get the message to him to just put his pile of money in the bank, live off the interest and happily go away please.

Beyonce
b
I was in love with Beyonce back in the “No No No” days with Wyclef and Destiny’s child. And she’s talented, such that she deserves much of her level of success. However, by my estimation no one needs to be quite at THIS level of exposure. The biggest problem is that she now does other things in front of microphones than sing. How many times can she say “I’m just a simple southern girl” in an interview? Make a drinking game of it and you’ll get drunk enough to think that Solange is the more attractive one. Do I have a strange latent gay jealousy that no woman is good enough for Jay-Z? I will not confirm or deny that…but I think the Beygency skit on SNL does a good enough job of describing the problem (below) so I’ll stop paying as much attention to her. Starting now.

.
Christine Quinn
dreamkiller
Christine Quinn was a New York City council woman and recently lost the mayoral race in New York in that sh*tstorm that included Carlos Danger. So she’s not really all that famous or in all our faces. But this is a woman whose demise I do root for. She knows what she did.

Dane Cook
about as funny as genocide
Dane cook is on the down-slide, but I fear a comeback. And this guy is about as funny as 12 Years a Slave was. He’s a hard worker and had perfectly crafted all the elements of comedy one needs to be a successful stand-up…except for the actual joke writing part. “You know that moment/thing/time when…” No Dane, I don’t know what moment you’re talking about. That moment that happened to you one time? Is that what you’re saying? yeah… girls can be silly. Get off the stage! booo.

This guy has reportedly done 8 hour marathon sessions of stand up. I can’t even imagine the horror. Sarah Macloughlan needs to do an infomercial about those audience members.

Jeff Dunham
jd
While we’re on the topic of comedians, do you know who made 19 million dollars in 2013? Jeff mo*********ng Dunham. It goes to show the old sentiment that you never go broke underestimating the intelligence of the American people. One of my problems is that he’s considered family friendly. I guess racism is OK if it’s puppets? This guy’s act is way more offensive than anything I have ever seen Tracy Morgan do.

Hold up. I just remembered some of Tracy Morgan’s last show I went to and that’s not true, but you see where I’m coming from. My biggest issue is that he’s just not funny. If you disagree, please never tell me…because you will put our friendship in jeopardy.

Jennifer Lawrence
jl
I really like Jennifer Lawrence, especially on the big screen. She’s likely the next Jodie Foster or Meryl Streep. The thing about Jodie and Meryl is they keep it together. Now, her first Oscars she was totally a fish out of water and her discomfort with celebrity was charming and refreshing. But a year later she was doing the same bit and it was contagious. Did you notice how all the women started bumbling and acting like they forgot how to put a sentence together? Someone needs to temper this J Law movement…suddenly being triflin’ is chic. Girls are emulating Jennifer Lawrence, saying look, she’s elegant but a mess, taking away the need for girls in the 20s to try to operate with self-respect. If a video emerges of J Law cry-puking in a nightclub restroom, these same girls will have no impetus toward self-improvement. Jennifer Lawrence doesn’t need to go away so much. I like her, but all these broads that worship her need to temper their idolatry.

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s